Playdate Survival Guide: Setting boundaries for stress-free socializing at any age
Unless you’re lucky enough to live next door to your BFF, who also happens to have kids the same age as yours (seriously, if this is your scenario you are #blessed), playdate-planning can be a struggle.
But, there are ways to set boundaries and expectations so everyone can relax and enjoy some much-needed socialization. Peek the guide below for some helpful hints to keep playdates stress-free (perk: we’ve sorted it by age!).
Watch us chat with Good Day Stateline/WTVO about playdate boundaries!
Babies and Toddlers (Infant to Age 2)
Are playdates really necessary?
While playdates may not be necessary for little ones this young, they are definitely necessary for moms! Playdates are a great way to connect with other moms who can relate to the sweet relentlessness of raising infants and toddlers. Whether comparing sleep strategies or nipple creams, having an adult conversation with a supportive mom is priceless.
Should parents stay for playdates?
With babies and young toddlers, playdates are mostly for moms to get together while little ones participate in parallel play. Schedule these with moms you want to spend time around and get to know better!
How long should a playdate last?
These playdates are more for the parents than the kids at this age, so you can keep them short (1-2 hours). For the sake of everyone’s sanity, remember to plan these around naptime and pack or prepare a snack!
Do I invite siblings over too?
If you’re making plans with a mom who has other children, you should expect that those siblings will be coming along. Moms will be staying for the playdate and finding childcare for other little ones may not be an option. If you don’t feel comfortable having bigger kiddos at your house, offer a neutral location to meet where older kids will be able to participate, like a park or indoor playground. If you are invited over and will need to bring siblings along, make sure this is ok with the host first.
What other things should I consider?
Naptimes and overstimulation can be key at this age. State any must-knows for you or your child at the beginning of the playdate - this sets expectations up front with other attending moms: Ex. “Emma is cluster-feeding right now so I may need to nurse her a few times this morning.”
Preschool and Kindergarten (Ages 3-6)
Are playdates really necessary?
If your child is in preschool or kindergarten and is already spending a lot of time with kids of a similar age, playdates don’t need to be a high priority. If you are homeschooling or your little one attends school part-time, playdates are a great way to increase their social skills. Kids learn a lot through play and socialization at this stage, so creating opportunities for time with peers is a great learning tool.
Should parents stay for playdates?
At this age, parents can be expected to stay for playdates, especially if children are still potty-training. Be sure to clarify beforehand whether the host expects you to stay or not, to avoid any confusion when the date arrives.
How long should a playdate last?
2-3 hours should be plenty of time for this age. If the kids are having trouble getting along, it is perfectly acceptable to call it early and explain your kiddo needs some downtime to recover. Kids are still learning social skills at this stage of development, and conflict is not unusual. You know your little one’s limits; moms will understand (and probably be grateful) if you need to remove them from a situation early.
What other things should I consider?
Be mindful of illness. At this age it’s very common for kids to bring home minor ailments from preschool such as infections (hand foot and mouth anyone?) or a cold. And in this era of COVID weariness, it’s better to be safe and cancel than sorry and infectious.
Elementary School (Ages 7-12)
Are playdates really necessary?
For school-age kids, friendships are becoming a fundamental focus of their lives. Don’t be afraid to make these experiences children-led (and give yourself a break). As kids mature they will appreciate being trusted with making their own choices. It’s not your job to entertain them from the moment the playdate begins! Before a friend comes over, ask them to help you come up with a few fun ideas for the playdate; the simpler the better.
Should parents stay for playdates?
Probably not, but it’s important to clarify this up front so there are no surprises. If this is a new friend or first-time playdate and you feel more comfortable being present, simply state “I’d like to stay this first time around to make sure she/he is comfortable.”
How long should a playdate last?
There will be a much wider timeframe for school-age playdates. We suggest deciding on a specific time range in advance. This ensures no surprises on either side. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “We’d love to have her over Saturday afternoon, if you bring her around Noon could you pick her up by 5?” This lets the other parent know that afternoon doesn’t mean all day and helps them plan accordingly as well.
What about sleepovers?
This will vary by family, and may even vary from one kid to the next. Generally by ages 7-9 kids may be ready for sleepovers. You know what level of separation your child is comfortable with; go with your gut and what feels right for you both. Still not sure? Find out more about sleep-over readiness here.
What other things should I consider?
If you’re planning a playdate at a public location, be sure to check their website or social media channels in advance for any must-knows-before-you-gos. Some locations may still have lingering rules from the pandemic such as capacity limits or advanced reservation needs. Better to be prepared!
Want to learn more about the stages of development we mention? Go here.
Middle and High School (Age 12+)
Playdates no more! Kids will be exercising more freedom at this age, and many will have a cell phone and be able to make arrangements on their own. It can be hard to see them be so independent, but trust is key at this age. Give them specific guidelines regarding checking in, curfews, and family rules. They can manage the rest themselves. We know it's easier said than done, but try to enjoy this transition as they become the responsible young adults you’ve been raising them to be!
How to say “no” to a playdate invitation
Speak up if you’re not comfortable hosting, or offer to meet at a neutral location. If you are invited to a playdate but don’t want to participate, be as direct as possible. If your school-aged child is invited but doesn’t want to go, help them craft a polite way to decline. If you or your child needs to keep the reason private, just say the timing isn’t right for now. If your child isn’t ready for behavioral reasons, say so. No mom will be mad at you for sparing her from behavioral meltdowns. We’ve all been there! You’ll know when your kiddo is ready.
Want to get your little one out there but don’t know where to start? We’ve got playgroups!
