EDITOR'S NOTE: We played with a number of different titles for this post: Step-parenting is hard - 6 Ways to Support the Stepmoms Around You. Know a stepmom? This is what she wants you to know. 6 Ways to Support the Stepmothers Around You. But ultimately we landed on the one above. For all the legends and fables about stepmothers, these women are key parts to one equation: Raising children. And CityMom Jamie knows this by heart - she is a momma of two, stepmom of two more and lives the trials of step-parenting daily. So if you also know a stepmom {like Jamie!}, here's what she needs from you...

I can often be found running around with my husband and our four kids in tow.

When I meet people for the first time, most of them assume that I’ve been married and parenting all these kids for quite a while. The truth is, most of my parenting life has been spent as a single mom. I was raising my daughters solo until just over a year ago when I remarried and gained a new life, family, and kids.

I became a stepmom.

I’ve always known stepmoms, most of them being friends of mine throughout the years. I had heard all of their stories about the hardships with step-parenting and blending families, and of their celebrations and victories of overcoming negative co-parenting issues. I thought I understood and could relate since I knew them, other step-parents, and had been through a lot of parenting woes myself. But I didn’t realize how much I DIDN’T understand or could relate until I became a stepmom myself.

Now as a mom, stepmom - and with children who have had a stepmom and a husband who became their stepdad - there are so many ways I wish I could have supported my friends with blended families. Although still a newbie in this area, I better understand the dynamics of co-parenting and blending families. Every blended family is wildly different and has different scenarios but I think all stepmoms would agree that having a support system is essential.

If you know a stepmom {maybe she’s part of your family or a friend?}, these are just some of the ways you can support and encourage her - what she needs from you:

Be her cheerleader.

I love my life, my family, all my kids - natural and step. But being a parent is hard, and being a stepmom is even harder. The goal is to constantly remain positive, never talk negatively, be an encourager, supporter and keep it all together for the kids and your partner. It’s almost impossible for any human being to be 100% on these things at all times, much less a stepparent. We need a nudge from others to keep us going and cheer us along the way.

Lend an ear.

One of the hardest responsibilities a stepmom has is being the “silent parent.” We often don’t have a say in how we think situations should be handled because we aren’t the natural parent. We don’t have the same authority to set rules, discipline, or make decisions, yet we carry just as much parental responsibility. This often results in feeling like we are outsiders and silent parents. We need a safe place to be able to express our feelings and emotions confidentially to those we are close with, without judgment. We listen a LOT to our spouses and children, but we sometimes need a lent ear for ourselves.

WE'RE ALSO TALKING ABOUT THIS TOPIC TODAY: Finding identity when you are Mom.

Understand her need for flexibility.

We want to see our family and friends and be at all the holiday gatherings and parties, but it’s much harder for a stepmom to do this. We have the schedules of several parents, in addition to our own, to juggle. Most stepmoms are way more involved than they are given credit for, in some cases, the stepmom is even more involved than the natural parent(s).

Please be kind and ask how she is doing - her self-esteem is often tested.

Stepmoms have as much influence in a child’s life as a natural parent, this is often intimidating and scary, but also exhausting. We give a lot with little in return, have to constantly “prove ourselves” capable, and are often compared and harshly judged by others and our stepchildren. We question our ability to do this job and dwell on all the negative comments that are thrown at us along the way. We easily feel unappreciated and devalued, it’s not unusual to feel like we are at the bottom of the food chain. We need someone to ask us how we are doing, and maybe throw us a compliment or two.

Her partner will always come first.

A blended family has to have a strong, connected, and committed couple in order to keep everything together. The love we have for our kids and families is strong but prioritizing time with our partner is FOR them. Making time for our relationship becomes a priority over the schedules of kid’s games, parties, events, etc. It also becomes a priority over everyone else, and for good reason.

Be an encourager, not a negative Nancy.

We know all the statistics, we’ve heard countless times how hard it is to blend a family, the increased risk of divorce, and all the evil stepparent stories out there. What we do need is your stories of encouragement, we want to know how it felt when your stepchild told you they loved you, or when you got to experience a “family first” together, or when you had a successful co-parenting situation. And we want to share our own victories with you!

Ask, before assuming.

I’ll never forget my first negative experience as a stepmom. I had overheard a group of other moms gossiping at a group function, it didn’t take me long to realize they were talking about me. It was simply because they were confused about which kids were biologically mine and they had already had negative feelings toward the stepmoms in their lives. It hurt and I felt isolated from the group. I never approached them about this, but it helped me to better present myself to them and practice showing others who I am through character. Being a stepmom doesn’t mean we are trying to force our way into the lives of others, are home-wreckers, or are some sort of wicked stepmom stereotype. Just like every other relationship, we fell in love with someone, who just so happened to be a single parent. We’re doing our best to love and raise our families just like everyone else; while trying to figure out our roles and keep the children’s best interest in mind. So if you know a stepmom, give her a hug, text her a message of encouragement, or take her out for some coffee. And really, these are ways you can support any woman. She will appreciate this more than you know!

Jamie Ward is the founder of the blog Cornfields and High Heels, and a social media manager. As a mom + stepmom, she writes frequently about her blended family. Jamie’s husband is a pastor so she also has a heart for ministry, family and volunteering.

For fun Jamie is constantly in search of the best local coffee, ideas for date nights, and her next photography spot. Discover Jamie on Instagram.

Know a stepmom? Here's what she needs from you.