Kindergarten separation anxiety: How to help
When my oldest started kindergarten, we didn’t anticipate how much separation anxiety would affect her. She always enjoyed daycare and preschool, but suddenly leaving us every day for kindergarten became intense for her. She was reluctant to leave the house, crying, and clinging to us.
If you’re facing a kindergarten transition this year, here’s what to expect as the primary caregiver and how to help young children navigate the transition.
Most kindergarteners will experience some level of anxiety about the transition to elementary school - which is a totally normal feeling! They’re moving from being the older child in a typically much smaller setting, like their home or a daycare, into a large building where they are the youngest child. Just like when we start a new job or move to a new home, change can trigger feelings of uncertainty and worry.
Signs of separation anxiety can be complaining of stomachaches or headaches, crying, or having accidents years after they’ve transitioned out of diapers. If you see any of these signs, take a deep breath and stay calm - it’s most likely normal, and you can help them through it!
Before their new school starts, take time to talk about the transition. If there’s orientation events or open house before the first day of school, check out their new environment: classroom, cafeteria, gym, playground. Talk about where you or the bus will drop them off and pick them up. If you have the classroom’s daily schedule, talk about the daily activities: what they’ll do first, what subject lunch comes after, what time or day they will have a favorite subject or elective.
Regular conversations about what to expect helps eliminate the fear of the unknown and can reduce the worry, and instead get them excited about a new adventure, a new routine, and new people.
Pro Tip: Parent groups for your school, often organized over Facebook, are a great way to meet other incoming students, and play dates over the summer can help give your child a trusted friend on the first day.
Reading children’s books together can help the transition - our favorites are The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, and Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney - as well as episodes of your child’s favorite show. If you’re a Bluey house, here’s 10 episodes that revolve around school issues and if you’re a Daniel Tiger fan, don’t miss Daniel Goes to School - we sang “grownups come back” so many times at our house!
Sometimes a transitional object helps calm worries…
…a tiny fidget to keep in their pocket, a photo necklace to look at when they miss you, or a small square of their lovey tucked away in their backpack.
If your child’s symptoms are affecting their daily life, and aren’t resolving after a transition period of a few weeks, it’s okay to ask for help with their ongoing separation anxiety!
Start with your child’s teacher - ask how your child is during the day, if they interact with others, and if they’re involved in activities. If your school has a counselor, they can be a great resource and another trusted adult to check in with your child during the school day. Therapy, such as play therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy, can help kids through transitions and give them coping skills to use.
Separation anxiety disorder is a real diagnosis, and if your child’s response to kindergarten seems to be intense and ongoing, it never hurts to get a professional opinion and additional support from a child psychologist or other mental health expert.
FEELING A LITTLE UNSURE? SEE WHAT OTHER MOMS HAD TO SAY:
For my daughter, a photo necklace and a high-five goodbye ritual eventually eased her anxiety and she settled into kindergarten. And good news - now, as a rising 7th grader, I’m lucky to get a wave goodbye in the morning as she’s so excited to see her friends and teachers!